Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
