Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
