Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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