dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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