You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
