Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
