I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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