he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
