I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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