I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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