No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
