The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
