I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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