I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
