By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
