I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
