I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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