Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
