No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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