Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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