Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
