Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
