gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
