I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
