Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
