so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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