Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
