happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
