While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
