pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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