If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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