apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No subtext here. People are naked.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
