I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
