I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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