trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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