How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
