Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
