He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
