just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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