we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
