Heybabeimwearingurpanties
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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