so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
