Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
pop tarts are not kleenex
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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