Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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