and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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