They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
