I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
