my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
