I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My vagina is officially offended.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
