I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
