I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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