I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
