Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
