I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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