I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
